The most famous band you never heard of!

On the loneliest road in the country, a distinct vastrap groove plays through a car’s soundsystem, giving the driver fuel for the unbearable distance. Klipwerf are the multi-platinum-album band keeping the Boers happy in bakkies and dancehalls in the Afrikaans heartland. 

By Riaan Malan
O here we are, roaring down a dirt road in the middle of nowhere in search of the most famous band you’ve never heard of.  Klipwerf?  Ring any bells?  Probably not, but don’t worry, we’re all on a learning curve here.  Klipwerf is the band playing on the stereo in Guy’s bakkie. Specifically, we’re listening to “Wie se Kind Is Jy?, a catchyditty that seems to have originated in Garies, a dusty town about 300 clicks behind us.  It was originally a “coloured” song, but Klipwerf have pulled it slightly this side of the racial border and infused it with their patented vastrap groove.Someone pumps a simple bassline on the bottom end of an organ.  The drummer mars the offbeat with both hands, simultaneously whacking the snare and hi-hat.  There’s a fat sakkie-sakkie rhythm guitar in there somewhere and, on top of it all a Yamaha synth picking out the melody.  Not to everyone’s taste, perhaps, but I tell you one thing:  Klipwerf sounds great on a sinkplaat road in an arid and empty wasteland. 

We’re crossing what appears to be an ancient seabed, a level plain of blackened rocks and grey grass. Every half hour or so, we pass a wind pump and a flock of dejected sheep, but otherwise, there’s nothing, no trees, no houses, no respite from the glare.  Our water ran out hours ago. Now we’re dopping wine, to fight dehydration.  We know where we’re going, but when we’ll get there…. God knows. Somewhere along the line, someone went mad on this road and defaced all the distance signs, causing them all to read “Kliprand 0km”.  At first you wonder why anyone would do such a thing, but after an hour or two, you get it:  the vandal could not bear to face the awful truth about the unbearable distance he had yet to travel. 

“Wie se Kind” segues into “Lientjie se Vastrap” and then Wals vir Hessie”.  All the songs sound similar.  We put on another Klipwerf CD, and it sounds similar too – relentlessly cheerful, simple to the point of idiocy and devoid of all traces of art or introspection.  There are no solos in a Klipwerf song, no fancy wind gathery (claptrap, no vocals).  This music exists only to drive a certain kind of dancing, and if you aren’t dancing, it can be a bit much.  When I move to put in a third Klipwerf CD, I see Guy’s eyes rolling, so I say, OK, your choice. 

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Hoe Klipwerf sy Naam gekry het

Klipwerf Orkes het sy naam gekry van die mense wat die groep gehuur het.
Die plaas Klipwerf bestaan uit ‘n plaasskool, poskantoor en kontantwinkel.
Normale plaas aktiwiteit is ook deel van die plaas.
Die Visagie familie plaas – Middelwater – is naby aan die plaas Klipwerf geleë.

Sowat dertig jaar gelede was die ou slinger telefone en handsentrale nog in algemene gebruik.
Die destydse poskantoor het ‘n tussenstasie vir die handsentrale opgerig naby die Klipwerf plaas. Middelwater en Calvinia was ook bedien deur hierdie sentrale, dus moes enigiemand wat die groep in die hande wou kry, vra vir hierdie sentrale.

Die proses om ‘n oproep te maak het ongeveer só gegaan;

*  Eerstens moes jy die handstuk optel en dan die slinger aan die kant van die instrument draai.
* Die sentrale aan jou kant antwoord dan met: “Nommer asseblief”.
* Jy moes dan die nommer gee vir die Middelwater plaas: “Klipwerf 1121, asseblief”.
* Die operateur het jou dan met die tussenstasie verbind, wat jou weer op sy beurt met Middelwater se instrument verbind het.

 Dit is hoe al hoe meer mense begin vra het vir Klipwerf, en dit spontaan die groep se naam geword het.

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